Squall's Knight
by Fallen Seducer
Summary: Death Fic - please no flames. Seifer returns to his former life, looking for forgivness, begging for a second chance... but some crimes can't be forgiven


Seifer sat on the Balamb jetty laughing with his friends. Friends… the word seemed oddly foreign to him, especially after everything that happened. His laughed died down as a large shadow traveled over the dock. Looking up, he saw the underside of Balamb Garden as it flew overhead. A thousand thoughts flooded his mind, most of them melancholy. Seifer looked over at his friends with a tear in his eye. Putting his fishing rod down on the jetty, he silently stood and started walking through town in the direction that the Garden had flown. 

"Hey Seifer, where you goin'? Yo Seif, you listening, ya know?" Rajin bellowed at the solitary figure making its way into town. 

"SILENCE" Fujin glared at the taller man. Although her tough exterior hid it well, Fujin's heart was breaking. She watched him walking towards the field where Balamb Garden stationed itself, wishing she could be there for Seifer, but knowing he had to do this on his own. Wiping away a solitary tear from her good eye, she said a silent goodbye. 

****

Taking a deep breath, Seifer pushed through the large metal gates of the Garden and made his way through the hallways. Pausing at the main walkway to let his heart rate slow a little, he looked around for a familiar face. 

"What are you doing here? This isn't your home anymore… and even if it still were, no one would accept you"

Seifer's heart sank. He recognised the voice, a voice that had haunted him at night, invaded his nightmares, and plagued his reality. Slowly he turned to see leather clad calves, slowly moving his eyes up over a matching leather jacket, up to it's fur collar and to the gunblade pointed at his throat. 

"I'm sorry" mumbled Seifer not quite knowing what to say. "I know you all hate me, and I don't blame you for a moment. I just want you to all know I'm sorry, and you'll never have to speak to me again. I just wanted you to know I was sorry before I…" 

"Before you what?" Squall looked down the blade and into his former enemies tear filled eyes. _What have I become? I'm no better than him, here he is apologizing, and I'm trying to not slit his throat._ Squall's inner thoughts rushed around his head, going in millions of directions at once. 

"I'd like to see the others. I was to talk to them all, if you'll let me. If they'll let me…" Silently a tear slid down the blondes cheek, despite all efforts to contain them. This was followed by another, and soon the blondes cheeks were wet with tears. Squall stood there stony faced, his emotions a mess. Sure, he had tried to kill them all, but was it really him? Everyone knew Ultimecia was mind controlling Seifer, but still. Thoughts came flooding back, thoughts of a childhood shared…

"C'mon Squall, we can climb over those rocks and get a great view of the sun set" Seifer scampered over some rocks, trying to find a spot big enough for both of them to sit. "Hurry up, the sun's almost down you slug! C'mon, you'll miss it Squall"

Squall slowly climbed up to the top next to Seifer, and sat down hugging his knee's to his chest. "But Seifer, I'm… I'm…" Squall took a deep breath "I'm scared of the dark!" Seifer looked at the smaller boy and put an arm around his shoulders. 

"It's okay, I'm here and I'll protect you. That's what best friends are for! I'm going to be a knight one day, and I'll protect a princess" Puffing his chest out proudly, Seifer grinned at Squall…

Okay, so the guy had made mistakes, doesn't everyone. Lowering his gunblade, Squall turned and started walking down the hall. "They're in the quad, don't expect such a friendly reception" 

Seifer slowly walked into the quad. He heard laughter, and a small smile crept to his lips. It had been a long time since he had heard laughter like this, laughter of the people he had grown up with. Nearing the group he paused, and hid behind a tree so the group couldn't see him. Selphie was there, wearing Irvine's cowboy hat and talking a million miles an hour. Obviously she was telling one of her stories, as the group continued to laugh. Irvine was standing behind her, grinning from ear to ear. Zell was sitting on the bench, one arm around Quistis who was leaning into him, while Rinoa stood in front of Selphie giggling uncontrollably. Taking a deep breath, Seifer walked towards the group, painfully aware the laughter had stopped. 

Slowly looking up from the ground, he looked at each of the stunned faces. Emotions ranged from anger, to shock, and even pity. Before he could even open his mouth to speak, Seifer felt the pain of a fist connecting with his jaw. Without looking up again, he spoke.

"I deserved that, I won't even begin to deny it" The group became oddly quiet, each person holding their breathe as through this was some sort of dream, until Seifer spoke again, "I know you all hate me, hell, I hate me too. I don't expect forgiveness, because I don't deserve it. I just came to say I'm sorry, hoping you believe me." He looked around the group again, taking a slow breath. Stopping on Selphie, he met her eyes, looking in on her simple child-like innocence. 

"Selphie, I'm sorry about blowing up your Garden. I know words won't bring your friends back, nor repair the damage, nothing will. I just hope you can accept my apology, and know I feel your pain" Wiping a tear from his eye, Seifer looked at Irvine. "I never had anything against you, but I just want you to know I'm sorry for kicking in your sand castles back in the orphanage to make you cry. I'm sorry I was such a shit as a kid, but I guess things never change" Sighing, Seifer turned to the group sitting on the bench. He looked from Rinoa to Quistis, and back. Zell would be left until last, he had a lot to say to him, a lot to regret. 

"Rinoa, god where do I begin. I'm sorry for trying to kill you repeatedly, the whole Adel thing…" exhaling loudly, Seifer ran his fingers through his blonde crop "Breaking your heart that summer, I just hope Squall treats you right. You deserve it Rin, you're a princess. I treated you like you were dirt, and then I tried to kill you, what sort of guy does that make me?" Zell snorted in the background, but Selphie quickly silenced him. 

"My dear Instructor, I pray that you never get another student like me. You tried your hardest to make me a SeeD, whether I deserved it or not. I made your job hell, brought you to tears for my own amusement. I truly am sorry Quistis. Back in the orphanage, I had a crush on you… but I always knew you were out of my league. Zell's a lucky guy, and I think he knows it" He turned and looked at him, bracing himself for another punch. Seifer closed his eyes and spoke, while the tears flowed freely

"Zell…" it felt weird calling him that after all this time "I can't apologize to you enough, for everything. For calling you Chicken Wuss, stealing your toys, laughing at your skill, basically making your life hell. Now I'm beginning to feel even a fraction of all the pain I caused you, I don't know how you survived. You're strong, very strong and don't let anyone ever tell you any different. You have the strongest will of anyone I know, and the biggest heart. It wasn't you're fault Trabia was destroyed. It was mine. All of this was my fault. All of this…" Seifer wiped away the tears, and looked up at the group. To his surprise Squall was standing there. 

"Enough with the sympathy Almsey. You ruined all of our lives, we were your best friends and you pushed us all to our personal limits. You took the one thing closest to our hearts and destroyed it, all for your own sick humour. I hope your happy now, coming back and rubbing it in, pretending to be sorry" Squall gave him a look of absolute hate. All Seifer could do is stare back at him with empty azure eyes. 

"Squall, even if I do apologize to you, you won't believe me. I won't waste my breath, I know you wouldn't even listen to me. I've changed, you have to believe me. I can't forgive myself for my crimes, I just beg of you all to look deep into your hearts to forgive me. Even if you just accept what I have said, that will be enough for me" Seifer slumped slowly to the ground and began crying so violently his entire body shook. 

"I forgive you Seifer, even if the others don't." Turning his head, he made out a blurry image. Blinking away the tears, the image took shape – Zell. Opening his mouth to speak, Seifer realized he had nothing to say. He hadn't thought of what he would say if they had forgiven him, it was too extreme to think of. Feeling a pair of skinny arms wrap around his upper body, a breath tickled his ear.

"I forgive you Seifer, Trabia and I forgive you." One by one, everyone either hugged or patted Seifer on the back, forgiving him. All except Squall, he would never forgive him. Looking Squall in the eye, Seifer stood and backed away, bowing slightly. 

"Just remember, I would go through time compression again to right the things I did… I'm sorry and I love you all." Taking one last look around, Seifer walked out of the Garden and into the forest. 

Two days later a junior classman knocked on the office door, holding a small envelope in one hand. Squall looked up from his desk at the youth, who held out the package to him. He smiled sadly, turned, and left closing the door behind him. Squall grabbed his letter opener and slit the envelope. Out fell a picture of the group as children, Matron in the background, the old orphanage looking brand new. Looking at the picture, Squall traced his finger over the figures. Smiling sadly, he realized that he was up the back, arm around Seifer, grinning from ear to ear. He looked at the CD and letter on his desk frowning slightly, as there was no return address, no sign of who had written the letter. Squall looked at the CD, flipping it over looking for a title. Shrugging, he popped it into his stereo, sitting back in his chair and the opening strains of music filled the office. Last there was the letter, small and neatly written. 

"Dear Friends, 

Although you all forgave me, I can't forgive myself. I can not continue to live a life knowing that I have caused you so much pain and suffering. Knowing that I have killed innocent lives, friends, loved ones… I will always be thought of as the Seifer that taunted as a child, insulted as a teen, and killed as a man. Please don't think of me as you saw me a few days ago, as that was no a memory I want you to remember me by. Hold the memories of us as children dear to your heart, as even through the worst time I held them dear to mine. Please don't blame yourselves, as this was for the best. Looking out for you from beyond, we will all be together in peace one day. I love you all, 

Always, your Seifer… "

Under the last line were a few scribbled lines of the song playing on the CD – 

"Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow. Every step that I take is another mistake to you… I know I may end up failing too, but I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you…" 

Squall put the letter carefully on his desk as the song played out and the room fell quiet. An ear piercing scream was heard from the quad, as Seifer's lifeless body was found hanging from the stage. In his hand, a small scrap of paper, with his neat elegant script "I am at my peace now…" Squall sank into his chair and cried, as he knew it was too late to save his knight. 


End file.
